Day 15 Round 2

127.5 lbs. With all the happenings of late, I'm not surprised that I am still losing or maintaining my weight. I have cheated with popcorn (not one, but two bags) for two of the last three nights. The other night I forfeited an hCG dinner and drank an entire bottle of wine.

In life, one can be blind-sided by the people we care about and think we know. It is not up to us to judge them for their deeds, but to try and understand what it might feel like to walk in their moccassins. This week my regular rural carrier for whom I've been a substitute (cover days off and vacations) for the past 2+ years decided to check out of this life and move on to the next one. It was a double deal made with her husband. You could say that in their minds it was all about pain and love. Understandably, the situation is very rough for the rest of their family and friends. To say that no one saw this coming is a blatant understatement. Everything was well planned by them, including the distributing of their wills and letters via USPS to their children from previous marriages. I talked to her the night before when she called to give me a head's up that I would likely be working the next day and the day after. Her reasons for the absence were fabrications and I played right into her hand as would have been predictable. No clue, no suspicions.

What unfolded over the last two days has been tragic and difficult to pull off. I've had to step up and fill the shoes of one of the most caring, competent, diligent, knowledgeable and nurturing postal carriers I've ever known. While I miss her presence terribly, I trust in her actions and that God has taken her under His wing. She was an angel among us and now I feel she will be watching over us.

Today it is time to put my diet first again. No more cheating. It's time to shed the rest of this weight. There's so little to go, therefore I should be able to do it without any problems. Focus....

Day 10 Round 2

130 lbs. Saturday I went to dinner and went off course pretty bad. The day went well, but the dinner (expensive) was another story. I had 1 spare rib for an appetizer. Dinner consisted of 2 shrimp, 3 scallops, and a very small lobster. Not bad, if you don't notice how they were all cooked and in what. Dessert, shared by four was coconut ice cream, pineapple upside down cake and drizzles of raspberry and two other sauces I can't remember. 2 glasses of wine were also consumed. With all that, I only gained a half lb. Unfortunately, that makes me think I can cheat more often. I really need to watch these last 10-15 lbs. and stay focused.

Next week I'm working a full schedule, so maybe there won't be time to think about cheating. I just have to get through this week.  

Day 43

133.5 lbs. OK, so I need to stop baby cheating with the melba toast! I will try to do better today. I'm not exactly starving, but I guess I am having cravings. Everything sounds good and it's probably because I haven't had many of my favorite things in a long while. Like a Guiness. Or popcorn. Or that stupid pizza! At least I've sort of kept my word about cheating. I haven't had that pizza or that beer. When I've cheated it's been with a celery stick or grissini stick. I can rationalize that it wasn't "that" bad. But, what's going to happen when I get down the road a few weeks from now? Will I have the willpower? Hopefully, an increase in the calories will make the cravings go away. I really do like the veggies I've been eating and would love to eat a whole bowl of them since they are so low calorie.

On another note, it sure will be good to get "regular" again. Not that I'm uncomfortable, but it just feels odd not to "one meal in and one meal out." Sorry for the TMI again....I'm just saying.